Am I a hateful person, or was I raised to be hateful?

As I'm writing this now, I am 19 years old and I still live at home. I'm a very shy, withdrawn person. Always have been. These days, I just hate everybody and everything. I especially hate Christmas that is coming up soon. I simply can't get excited for it, nor do I really want anything to do with it. I haven't had a good Christmas since I was a little kid. Honestly though, the thing is that I come from a very dysfunctional family. Pretty much every Christmas for years now, things always got tense. I remember one year my dad flipped out and started breaking things, saying he hated Christmas. Another year, my mom and dad came home from spending Christmas eve with my mom's family. They were obviously drinking, being loud, and as a result it upset my older sister, who was trying to sleep. Naturally, my dad explodes and starts yelling and stomping all over the place. It woke me up as I was trying to sleep, and this was all in the middle of the night. And just yesterday as I was sleeping during the day, I wake up to yelling and screaming. Turns out my dad threw yet another yelling tantrum because my mom asked him to spend Christmas over there again, and he didn't want to. Now my mom is mad at all of us because we don't want to go. Yeah, we don't want to go because she will force us to stay there past midnight. There isn't anybody to talk to since everyone goes to the garage and spends all of their time drinking and smoking. That is not a Christmas gathering in my opinion.



That's just a small fraction of all of the other crap I've had to deal with. I should also mention that we've had to call the police on my dad for attacking my mom, which he responded with by breaking all of the phones in the house and running away from home. He did it again a few years later. Of course, my mom tolerates that and even sticks up for him when he does. And I guess this is kinda stupid, but I was in a play during the summer and I bought a DVD. Because my dad threw yet another tantrum and ran away from home for a few days, he didn't bother showing up. I was pissed, but of course, my mom showed him the DVD anyways, and that just pissed me off even more. That just proves that my parents have absolutely no respect for us. It's unbelievable that they expect us to respect them when they don't even demand it or show it to anybody.



Besides that, I've just had to deal with negativity from both of them. Whether they are judging someone they don't know or complaining about their families, neither of them usually have anything positive to say. Naturally, this has affected how me and my older sisters were raised. We don't talk to each other, and any problem we have with each other usually results in aggression. There is one thing that we do agree on, though, and that is the fact that our parents are messed up and don't seem to care. I find myself just irritated by everybody and everything. My outlook on life is negative and cynical. When I first meet somebody, I always hate them at first because my first impressions are always negative. And honestly, I have no idea whether it was because I was raised to be like that, or because I'm just naturally a hateful person. I don't even know if it's possible to be naturally hateful.Am I a hateful person, or was I raised to be hateful?
You come across as an insightful, intelligent, precise person who has a handle on what is going on in your toxic family. It would have been nice if you and your sisters could give each other some emotional support, but the deprivation you have all suffered has emptied your tanks of all emotional fuel. That might change once you move away from home.



I think that you should find a counsellor, or someone who supports you so that you can move forward, go to University or College if you are not already there, and who will help you springboard your life to encompass all of the positive things you have missed out on. It is not your fault that your parents do not cope with family life - they probably don't know or understand just how painful their actions are.



You are not hateful and not a bad person. If you were, you would regard your parents; behaviour as normal. You have identified that there is a lack, a difference in what should be happening and what is happening. That means you will always know what you do not want from a relationship. I know when you have escaped from your family you will find someone who wants what you want, security love and peace of mind. The better educated you are the more likely you will find the right environment and the right person to walk through the garden of life that you deserve. Good luck and keep writing - I think your writing skills are exceptional and that maybe you should keep a journal as a resource for future writing.

Best wishesAm I a hateful person, or was I raised to be hateful?
You sound like a smart and thoughtful person, despite the difficulties of your childhood. That fact right there is a victory.

First, I would suggest removing yourself from the situation. Move out. If you can't afford to move out right now, there are healthy ways to help yourself when the house is chaotic. Go for a walk or a jog, surf the web at your local library, relax and read a book or use the wireless at the corner coffee shop, or get some noise canceling headphones.

Second, contact a counselor. Many communities have free or discounted counseling services. Or if you would rather, here is a website with various counseling hotlines: http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/crisis鈥?/a>

Most of these hotlines are open 24 hours and are a good way to talk through issues if you are having a difficult day.

Talk to your sisters. Chances are they may be feeling the same way. It may be a difficult conversation to have, but you may get a positive outcome.

Lastly, keep your chin up. From your writing I can tell you are a smart individual. Many people are able to rise above where they come from, I have no doubt you will too.Am I a hateful person, or was I raised to be hateful?
The mere fact that you've thought about it shows your not. You are mirroring your parents. It's not your fault it's expected even. However, now that your aware that your mirroring them just y making the conscious decision not to placed in good standing of not turning out like them. This is actually proven you can see it with yawning. How it seems contagious, unless you consciously tell your self to stop. Don't do as they do. Don't use aggression to solve problem with your sister, and remind your self that you don't need to judge people when you meet them. You clearly don't want to be like your parents and that a big step in the right direction. It takes 28 days to break a habit so try these tricks out for month and see how it goes.



Good luck